2003 I’m living at home, my mother wants me to go for treatment, and we go into the village into an old building and go up some narrow stairs. We go into the room there are a few beds with patients in them and a few nurses. The bed has some sunlight shining on it as its right beside a window, looking out onto the car park. A young pretty girl is sitting up in the bed smiling; she has shortish back hair with a sight pink/purple blush on her cheeks contrasting how pale she really is.

2002 I’m at a party in a small flat with one bed, there are also some family around (can’t remember if it was my family). This woman (30ish) was taking to another guy, she leaves him and comes over to me and falls into my arms on the couch. We laugh and kiss, badly at first, more laughing than anything else, then we kiss properly until she things its great, then we start to fool around a bit, the she says she cant and gets up and leaves the room.

2002 It’s war time, I’m in a ruined city, the streets are full of rubble, the city looks old not like a modern city, most of the building are 5-6 storeys high, they are just shells of buildings now burnt out, bombed, ruined. I’m standing on a mound of rubble looking around, its night time, the only light is from the fires burning in the buildings. The mound I’m on appears to be a T junction or a cul de sac.

2002 I’m in a multi storey car park, the others are going to get the car, we are giving the owner a bit of grief seeing that it’s a ford escort and it’s in bits. I’m standing between levels, I’m holding onto the ticket that will let the car out of the car park. Then some others come over to me and ask me to open the gate with my ticket, I say I cant I can only open the gate for my friends car, they get all annoyed.

This one is from way back in 2001. There are a few of us on a trip, there 3 males 1 female and myself. We’re in a shopping centre, I get into an argument with someone, its small and petty, I think its about the girl. Next I’m in a news agent , I’ve picked up a large glossy magazine in my hand folded over, I cant see the front and the back is just an advertisement.

Last night I was in a submarine I was part of the crew, again I wasn’t alone I was with a male friend, maybe that’s just a part me or my brother that never was. I was on the submarine and there was another submarine and we were playing cat and mouse. I got a stupid idea of trying to ’tag’ the other submarine. We went to the back of the submarine, we went in through a hatch, I decompress the chamber and let it fill up with water.

We’re in a room that looks like my room from 15 years ago. There’s 3 men and a 2-3 women sitting by the bed on the ground listening to the crap going on, one guy says he has to go so now theres a ‘spare’ girl remember think as she sat down beside me, shes only here now as he’s gone, she snuggles up close to me asks something I just stare forward.

This was a strange dream. It was as if I was only 9 or 10 and so were everyone else, there were a few adults around but very little. It was in a disco or nightclub, the dance floor had kids that I knew well, a bunch of friends all dancing and messing about, but something was distracting me, so I left the dance floor and wandered off to an area that had sunlight with a boy sitting down in a chair and an adult, maybe his father, well anyway his was giving out to the boy, I stopped he didn’t see me, so I turned and went back to the dance floor.

First off there is more to this world that we realise, we’re missing something raw, elemental, maybe it was something we realised in the past but now forgotten or something that we understood at a fundamental level as animals. My reasoning for this is the energy feelings I get from my hands and from people, it tends to make me think there more, something tells me I’ve just touched the surface from.

Then came my dreams, again I’m not sure if the tumor caused them or not, I think they started around 16 or so and have been with me ever since, these dreams are vivid, in them I can smell, taste and touch they are a real to me as reality is. Some nights I wont have, any other nights I may have 2-4 dreams that I can remember, sometimes when I wake I can still smell the last dream even after breathing in and out a few times.